After the Circus

Random Sample
Decayed Tractor

contact me
jean at geemoo dot ca

Nov 21, 2005
So.. I didn't want to announce it in case of jynxing my chances, but I have a new job. It's even in the computer field and I think it's gonna be pretty cool. As a result, I figured it would be a good idea to expand my wardrobe a bit beyond 'things to wear to a job interview'. Soooooo I go shopping. I start off at Sears and this is where my troubles begin. I'm looking for something pantslike in black and in a 30' waist. Really, that was about the sum of my requirements going into the store, so you would think I wouldn't have any trouble. Hah! 34', 36', 40', 46', 52'... hrmmmmm not many 30's in this pile.. hrmm or this pile. or this pile, that pile, that pile, or this pile. Fine, f it. I'll try another store. I head over to old navy, mostly because [info]tanktopgurl loves that store, even though I'm not the most fond of it because of the excessive namebranding. But I figure what the hell, those commercials have all sorts of skinny folk doing flips and somersaults and flying through the air on magic donkeys and all sorts of drug induced ideas, maybe they'd have something in my size. I dig through the khakis and find a pair in black. Woot. They not only have a 30x32 but they also have a 28x30. Holy crap. I grab both and go looking for a change room. Hrmmmmm change room.. should be around here somewhere... usually with a sign.. hrmm in the corner.. looking.. finally ask something. Oh, the changeroom is over in the womens' section. Of course. Everyone knows that guys never try on clothes in the store. Of course, the reason guys never try on stuff in the store is because they can never find the damn change room. 28x30 too small. 30x32 too long. Hrmm. Joy. Maybe I can hem them up, fine. So I take that pair and head for the cash, only then noticing that this one is missing a price tag. Oh oh. I head back to the khakis, and luckily there's ONE pair of 30x32 left. I leave the tagless pair for some poor sucker that hates shopping as much as I do and pay for my pants and get out.

Ok. So far so good. Well, that's being optimistic but atleast I'm not dead. And I have pants. I need a shirt. Hrmm I saw lots of shirts at Sears.. maybe I'll go back there. So I do. Stupid. Very stupid. I find lots of shirts, all made for people bigger than me. Joy joy! Obviously this isn't working out, so I leave the store and head to The Bay. Enter store, repeat situation. Large, large, extralarge, large, extraextralarge. Hellllooo!? I'd like not to be naked please. Fine. Leave store. I head through the mall and find a clothing store for men. One with suits and shirts and pants and shoes, oh my. I go in and find a sales clerk. None of this messing around this time. 'Hi! I'd like a shirt. Something in a small.' He looks at me and says 'Hrmmm I think we can help with that. Did you have any particular style in mind?' 'Sure.. something casual.. in small'. He starts flipping through the piles, and he's looking and he's looking and I'm grinning like a sadistic bastard because it's not me trying to find something that doesn't exist. Finally he go Aha! And pulls out a shirt from one pile. I flip it over and spot the price tag. $279. I shit thee not. 'Hrmmm I'm gonna check around the other stores in the mall, and I'll come back here in a bit.' Which roughly translates to 'I'll buy that shirt when you put on a pink prom dress and dance around the store singing vegas show tunes.'

I exit store, wander more and find new store. Enter new store. Right at the front, there are shirts, in a small. I nearly fall over. I grab on, go in and try it on. Sweet, it fits! I head to the cash and whip out the credit card, slap it down. The guy start ringing it through. Would you like some socks or shoes with that? Nope. How about a tie? Nope. Can I sign you up for our newletter? Nope. How about our credit card? Nope! You can see it written in his eyes what he's thinking right now. 'Do you have any idea how much commission I make on a goddamn $20 shirt? Thanks, asshole.' I smile at him and wish him a happy day and leave. I feel good. I'm heading home.
Tags: rant, shopping, animals, blackandwhite, silhouette